If a person attacks your children, what would you do?
What if they call your children names?
What if they bully other kids?
What if this same person hits you?
What if they put holes in your wall?
What if they have no friends?
What if no one wants to be around them?
What if the person responsible for all this was your child?
Yesterday was an especially bad day. I found myself mad one minute, screaming another, pleading another, and crying another. But it's not all about me.
I feel so bad for Rowyn, who often takes the blunt of her aggression.
I feel bad for Riley who always defends Camdyn, when others are saying how mean and awful she is. Camdyn attacks Riley, ruins her things, screams at her...yet in the end, Camdyn is her sister and she will defend her till the end.
I feel bad for all of them, because I don't want to take them places out of fear of how Camdyn will behave.
Most of all, I feel sad and scared. For Camdyn.
She is my child, albeit she drives me crazy most days, but she isn't choosing to be who she is. Who would? Who would choose to be a 4-year-old without friends, without playmates? Who would want to get yelled at all the time? Who would choose to be so impulsive?
Camdyn has ADHD and ODD.
I can't change that. No sticker chart or behavior modification program is going to change that. Being more strict or less strict isn't going to make things easier. Seeing a child psychologist isn't going to make Camdyn wake up one morning and act "normal". This is who she is. I realize in the whole scope of things, it could be much, much worse. She's healthy, she's here with us...but as a parent, we want our kids to have easy lives. To be happy. To have friends. To have fun. To be loved. To be accepted.
I feel helpless and
I feel like I'm failing her
and it sucks.